They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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