so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize