it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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