You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
