Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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