I skipped work to stalk him.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
