Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
