you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize