so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize