Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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