This girl is more easily done than said...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
