I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
