I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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