You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
