Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
