i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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