I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
