I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
