Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
