somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize