Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
