farters have to be the big spoon...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
