Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
