You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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