Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
