It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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