You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
