why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
