eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
