Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
