DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
