u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
