I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's blow job season.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
