I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
