Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
