Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
