this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize