I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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