If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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