why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
