i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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