i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Semen is not good for contacts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
