I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
