No stitches, just platelets and will power
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize