based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
