Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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