just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
