some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
