i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Panties = found
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
