he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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