he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
