I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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