I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
