i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
