Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
