well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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