I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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