i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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