You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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