It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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