imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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