Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
