Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
jump out the window naked night went bad
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize