I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
