Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
