When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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