You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
