What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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