You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
