apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize