Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
