I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think im going to throw up on grandma
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
