Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
