She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
