I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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