seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
