I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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