so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
