I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my fart just growled at me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
