Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
