dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
