well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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