I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize