Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
