So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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