Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
