so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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