Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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