it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
