I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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