I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
