I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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