areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
